Mum Stories - Amy Polly from The MamaKind Club
/As part of Isabella and Us. I will be bringing you a brand new blog series where each week a mum shares her story. I believe it is vitally important that we share our honest, vulnerable and incredible stories of our motherhood journey.
** Please be aware that you may find some of the stories potentially be upsetting or they may trigger something for you. If you do need further support please do seek advice from your GP or a mental health professional.
This week Amy Polly from The MamaKind Club shares how she never knew postnatal anxiety was a thing.... but after a traumatic birth and unsuccessful breastfeeding it hit her like a sledgehammer.
A little bit about Amy:
“ My name is Amy Polly, I am 35, mum to one beautiful boy, and a fully qualified accountant for the Fire Service. I have recently started my own business (The MamaKind Club) to teach mums mindfulness via an online monthly membership, as well as speaking about mindfulness at events too. It's my true passion as it has helped me greatly and I really want to help others. My son is called Jackson and he is nearly a year old, which I can't quite believe as it still feels like only yesterday that he arrived into our world. We live in a little village in Lincolnshire with Daddy, and love going for walks and dancing round the kitchen.”
Amy’s Story:
I have wanted a baby for as long as I can remember so when the time came, I was over the moon. I was so excited to be pregnant, to experience the feelings and the wonder of growing a human (no I hadn’t quite anticipated how much I could puke in one day or how my feet could balloon to approximately four times the size!). But seeing two lines on that pregnancy test was the most amazing feeling. Unfortunately, we had a miscarriage in December 2017, but we were blessed to become pregnant again the following February.
When Emma asked me to write this blog, I knew immediately that I wanted to talk about my postnatal anxiety. I had heard a lot about postnatal depression, but I can’t remember hearing anything, ever, about postnatal anxiety. And it turns out it is more common than we realise.
My birth was traumatic… I thought my waters had broken but it was blood, I was induced, and nothing went to plan. Jackson was finally delivered after 18 hours with forceps. Thankfully he was healthy and well. I was cut and sore and upset that I didn’t get to experience the birth I had always dreamed of, I was more tired than I had ever been in my life, and although we had a great latch, after 7 days of breastfeeding I turned to formula as he basically hadn’t settled all week. As soon as he had that first bottle, he fell asleep. Phew!
The feelings I felt were terror, upset, insomnia and lack of appetite. I was so tired during the day, but I couldn’t sleep, it felt like every nerve in my body was jangling and I couldn’t relax. Everything I ate tasted like cardboard. And I couldn’t even stand up straight. I did love Jackson, I felt connected to him in a way I can’t describe, and I felt protective and I would do anything for him, but I did not feel the overwhelming love and happiness that everyone talks about. Stress outweighed love and it took a good six months for that to change.
I don’t want to talk about this to make anyone worry, I just want raise awareness and help people prepare, not that anything can really prepare you for your journey, but you can help yourself along the way. You must talk openly and honestly to your loved ones. Knowing that some of these thoughts and feelings may arise prepares you to not feel shocked by them. Oh and you might not be out and about with your new-born baby looking glamorous, like people would have you believe on Instagram (I cried one day because Jackson was almost 8 weeks old and I saw someone on Instagram out getting their haircut when their baby was a week old and I couldn’t even manage a shower). Looking back, I know that doesn’t matter, but at the time it was like a punch to the guts.
I didn’t get out of the house with Jackson properly for almost four months, what helped me immensely was seeking therapy; Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) and my mindfulness practice. I now also take magnesium supplements. It hasn’t gone completely because I can feel myself not wanting to make plans to take him out at mealtimes, but I recognise it and do it anyway, because each time it gets a bit easier.
The main thing I would like mums or mums-to-be to take away from this is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and the multitude of feelings that you get when you arrive home with a little life to look after don’t mean there is something wrong with you or that such feelings should be pushed aside. Be kind to yourself. Don’t compare to others. Talk about it. And ask for help. I have a newfound respect for all mothers. Giving birth and having a child to look after changes you, physically and mentally, so don’t ever feel guilty for that.
EVERY mother is amazing. EVERY mother deserves kindness. EVERY mother is different. You got this. YOU are AMAZING!
Amy
** If this story has been upsetting or has triggered something for you and you do need further support please do seek advice from your GP or a mental health professional.**
You can see more of Amy over at: