Mum Stories - Stacey Williamson-Michie from Awesome Mama Illustration
/As part of Isabella and Us. I will be bringing you a brand new blog series where each week a mum shares her story. I believe it is vitally important that we share our honest, vulnerable and incredible stories of our motherhood journey.
** Please be aware that you may find some of the stories potentially be upsetting or they may trigger something for you. If you do need further support please do seek advice from your GP or a mental health professional.
This week Stacey Williamson-Michie from Awesome Mama Illustration shares her story of her struggles with motherhood.
A little bit about Stacey:
“Stacey Williamson-Michie is an artist and Mum from East London. Navigating her way through the bumpy road of parenting, fuelled by chocolate and a healthy dose of Netflix”
Stacey’s Story:
I didn't play much with dolls when I was little. I had one. A Cabbage Patch Kid called Alice. She would star in shows with my sister's doll Annie that we'd film on my Dad's giant 90's camcorder. My sister was the more maternal one of us. Looking after her dollies and playing house.
I didn't really think about having kids until I got together with my now husband. And I didn't know just how much I wanted them until the reality was we may never be able to. Sometimes it takes being told you can't have something to realise just how much you really want it. Thankfully though, IVF gave us a beautiful baby boy.
After my son was born I had a euphoric few days, even after an extremely traumatic birth. I was convinced I would have five more babies tomorrow if I could but once the oxytocin and adrenaline of birth wore off, I thought otherwise.
Sleepless nights started as soon as we got home from the hospital. How could anyone have more than one child? Could you die from sleep deprivation? Will I be able to sit down comfortably again? Will I ever be able to take a shower?
The first few months were a blur. With a nocturnal son, my eyes were sporting bags to rival any Kardashian shopping spree. My mind was all over the place and I couldn't make even the simplest decisions. Crying over bananas in Sainsburys became the norm. The feeling of stress was so overwhelming I could almost feel the cortisol racing through my veins.
I 'joked' with my NCT friends that if they read about a woman who'd thrown herself off the bridge over the A12, then it would be me. I didn't have many Mum friends and felt extremely alone. I tried to open up to the NCT girls, but one told me; "Stacey, we're not here for that". But that's exactly what they're supposed to be there for! Thankfully I did make a few amazing friends who helped me through. I discovered one through a mutual lack of sleep and another at our hospital antenatal class after finding out she was also an IVF Mum. If I could go back, I'd tell myself to seek out more of these kinds of women; online or in person. You need these people around.
I was embarrassed to go to the GP because I felt I should be able to cope. That I should have everything together. I'd wanted this child for so long and now I felt like I was coming apart at the seams. I'm pretty sure that I had PND or PTSD . In retrospect I didn't need to feel so alone or ashamed. It's so incredibly normal to feel how I did and it's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about.
The light at the end of the tunnel, if you're reading this whilst struggling yourself, is that it does get better. It does get easier. You won't always feel so lost.
Now with the possibility hovering overhead that we may not be able to have a second child, I'm really sad. We have a frozen embryo to thaw and I'm crossing all my fingers and toes that it works but it is our last chance. I'm so hopeful that I get to go through pregnancy, and labour, and even the sleepless nights again, no matter how challenging it's been, I wouldn't change it for the world. Becoming a Mum is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. It's worth every tear, every bad day and every restless night. Every time I felt like I couldn't do it but did it anyway. Nothing comes close to this.
** If this story has been upsetting or has triggered something for you and you do need further support please do seek advice from your GP or a mental health professional.**
You can see more of Stacey over at:
