Mum Stories - Jo Love
/As part of Isabella and Us. I will be bringing you a brand new blog series where each week a mum shares her story. I believe it is vitally important that we share our honest, vulnerable and incredible stories of our motherhood journey.
** Please be aware that you may find some of the stories potentially be upsetting or they may trigger something for you. If you do need further support please do seek advice from your GP or a mental health professional.
This week Jo Love shares just a little something about leaning into Mum guilt.
A little bit about Jo:
“ Jo Love is an award winning mental health advocate, speaker, writer and podcaster, she uses her platform to break the silence on mental health issues. Jo has a thriving Instagram account and runs the successful What I Wish I Had Known Podcast. Jo is known for her mental health work including being a Director of the Speakers Collective, and mental health Ambassador for a number of high profile brands.”
Jo’s Story:
Let’s talk about Mum Guilt. Before I became a mother myself it was a phrase I’d heard bandied about and figured it was all a bit of an overreaction by so called ‘helicopter’ parents. After all, guilt wasn’t something I had spent much time dwelling on pre-children. Nothing prepared me for how quickly after giving birth the guilt would set in and how it had the ability to eat me alive if I let it.
The list of what I felt guilty about was endless. From I didn’t spend enough time playing with the baby, to I didn’t get the house clean because I was playing with the baby. I cleaned the house and now I won’t let anyone play because they’ll mess it up. I’m not strict enough. I’m too strict. I let her eat sweets. I don’t let her eat sweets. I hide sweets from her so I can eat the sweets. Did I breastfeed her for long enough? Does she have too much ‘screen time’? The list goes on and on, I can turn literally anything into a reason to feel guilty.
Try as I might, and however unhelpful and unproductive feeling guilty as a mother is, can I stop it? Nope. So, instead, I’m learning to lean into my Mum guilt.
The way I see it, to rid Mum guilt from my life, one of two things must have happened:
1. I’ve attained perfection (and we all know that’s not possible!)
2. I’ve stopped caring (and I don’t think that’s possible for a mother either!)
So instead I’m choosing to embrace the guilt, lean into it and accept it because doing so allows me to do two things:
1. It helps me accept that I’m not perfect. Of course, I try to be, or at least for the longest time I have strived to give that external impression. But I am definitely far from perfect and motherhood has been a very steep learning curve in that respect. What I’ve come to realise not only am I not a perfect mother, no mother out there is. We are all just winging it, we are all scraping by. We are all imperfect and that is ok. Coming to this realisation also means I can teach my little girl at an early age not to expect perfection from imperfect people, including themselves.
2. Also it’s a huge, great big flashing neon sign that I care. I care so very deeply because if we didn’t care we would have nothing to feel guilty about. It is proof we want the best for our kids and that realisation alone allows me to breathe a big sigh of relief.
So the next time my Mum guilt sneaks up on me, ready to take a chunk, I’m going to turn around to face it. I’ll try embrace it and thank it for reminding me just how much I love my kids. And then I’ll tell it to jog on, because I know it’ll be pecking on my shoulder again soon enough, probably before I’ve even turned back around!
** If this story has been upsetting or has triggered something for you and you do need further support please do seek advice from your GP or a mental health professional.**
You can see more of Jo over at:
