Rediscovering the power of what works for you - Amanda Blair, Limited Edition of One
/Rediscovering the power of what works for you
We all know that every child is different. And that no two mother-child relationships are the same. So why is it so easy to fall into the trap of thinking there are infallible recipes for motherhood?
Probably because we’re fed a picture of perfection before breakfast every morning. Instagram showers us with photos of gorgeous little people in ethically sourced clothing at family picnics where it never rains. We read clever-sounding articles about “proven” ideal bedtimes for kids and the best meal plans to enhance learning. And what’s that we spy on the packaging as we grab a toilet roll in a multi-tasking frenzy? Unblemished flying babies with pristine white angel wings. (Give me the naughty Labrador any day.)
A remedy for perfection overload
In moments of overwhelm, the “daily differentness” mindset can work wonders. Before you hit the slippery slope of feeling inadequate, stop, breathe and think of an example of when you did something your way and it worked just fine. Recall the little things. Perhaps your rendition of an edgy rap sent your baby off to sleep immediately. Or your little cherubs went to bed much later than the neighbour’s kids on Sunday night and woke up full of the joys of spring for school. Maybe your exchange rate dealing in dog walking, snacks and screen-time worked a treat. We’re not born to be the same. Being different to every one else on the planet, full of unique characteristics, thoughts and responses, is our onboard superpower. It’s an inseparable part of us from day one. So why not use it as a default in one of the most natural situations, namely motherhood?
Building a confidence bank
Focusing on the positive effects of doing things your way grows your confidence. What works for you, works for you. You are a limited edition of one, so your parenting style can be too. It’s about taking baby steps and using each little success story to kick-start the next one.
As your repertoire of mini success stories grows, you get better at responding to outside advice. Instead of feeling irritated or threatened by it, you can see it as a resource that you can choose to accept or reject. It may even be a welcome invitation to experiment, because you’re facing external inputs with an open mind. And instead of feeling a failure when something doesn’t work for you, you can begin to view these instances as building blocks on the road to finding out what actually does.
Sticking with it
Every mum has days when everything seems to be going wrong. When you want to stick two fingers up at positive parenting rather than stick with it. To get through those moments, make sure you have accessible proof of your individual success stories. If you have time to journal them, great. But for the time-poorer among us, there are many small ways to keep a record. Post examples of how you’ve done things differently on your social media feeds. A photograph of an ice-cube tray being used as a teething toy, or a framed drawing of you looking like a caterpillar hanging in your office, is far more interesting than the perfect picnic pic. Pin up an inspirational list of your favourite verbal bedtime bribes inside your bathroom cabinet. Entertain your mummy friends with the story of your latest not-by-the-book episode over misshaped biscuits that didn’t make the school bazaar.
Sameness is boring. Being a mother isn’t. Who needs another round of two-dimensional parental perfection when daily life is on offer, with all its chocolate smears, infectious giggles and liberating burps?
Bio:
I coach individuals to tap into the power of their everyday uniqueness and run themed workshops for groups and teams to experience and share the impact of “daily differentness”. I’m also the author of the book “Limited Edition of One”, an interactive guide to useful self-discovery.
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