Expectations - Turning The Volume Down - Laura Manzotti, Laura Manzotti Hypnobirthing
/Expectations - Turning The Volume Down
‘I am enough’.
I invite you to say these words out loud any time you find yourself or someone else questioning your parenting. Society places so many expectations on new parents, a bar of unobtainable perfection is set. We turn to social media and often see squares upon squares of mothers ‘nailing it’. We make these unspoken comparisons which can be incredibly damaging, especially in those early weeks / months of fragile motherhood.
We have to get everything right all of the time. And pause…
How heavy does that expectation feel? Surely that’s just setting us up to fail before we’ve even begun?
I’ve been a mum for 2 and a half years and I’m still wearing my learner plates. I am however, a whole lot stronger in my beliefs and I can bat away most of the well intentioned advice that continues to head my way. I hear ‘he should be sleeping through the night by now’ or ‘you’re making a rod for your own back’ and sometimes I do wish those expectations would kindly do one! Imagine hearing ‘Cuddling your baby has huge benefits when it comes to brain development, so don’t worry about letting them sleep on you. I bet it must be exhausting for you, you’re doing such an amazing job and you’re a wonderful caring mother’. How supportive and comforting would that be to hear instead?
Now I do also understand that more often that not, the well intentioned advice comes from a place of love and desperation to offer a solution. However in doing so, they can often lose sight of what’s best for you. From day 1 of parenting, we’re already experiencing so much self doubt, there isn’t any space for external judgement.
My son wanted to be rocked to sleep the other night because he was upset and you know what, that’s exactly what I did. I met his needs there and then, I could hear the ‘You should be putting him in his cot awake, so he can learn to fall sleep by himself’, expectation, but instead, I comforted him in the moment. I reminded myself that one day, he won’t need my help to fall asleep and I’ll be longing for those moments once again!
Some days of course, meeting their needs with an abundance of positivity is easier said than done, particularly when you’re completely and utterly sleep deprived. This can lead us to expecting more from them too, thoughts like ‘Why are they whinging so much?’ when deep down you know they’re at an age where they don’t have the capability or rationale to process what it is they might be feeling.
When you do notice an expectation creeping in, whatever it might be, try to turn the volume down. Dial up the volume on your instincts, you know your child best and most importantly of all, you are doing a good job and you will get through this phase. Parenting is hard, sometimes it can be difficult to adapt to their changing needs and it’s ok to admit that. Let’s try and remove the ‘should’ from our parenting vocabulary.
So to all the mums out there, let’s support each other with compassion, kindness and reassurance. Let’s celebrate the good and more importantly, the harder moments of motherhood. Let’s talk openly about those tougher times and perhaps that will help us all to gradually lower expectations. It’s ok to not be ok all of the time and we need to open up this vulnerable conversation. Let’s push back on our demanding culture and try slowing down, just a touch. Let’s stick together and try to boost our confidence whilst we continue to learn on the job.
You are everything to your child and you are always enough.
Laura x
Bio:
I'm a Hypnobirthing teacher in Bromley and mum to a wilful 2.5 year old! I have a real focus in educating women not only about birth but also about the precious postnatal period. I care about women’s physical and mental health & feel they deserve an honest approach, but not in a way to scare, more to prepare.
See more of Laura over at:
