What NICU taught me about #MomLife - Romy Zwiers
/What NICU taught me about #MomLife
I never imagined my transition from woman to mommy would be a walk in the park (baby in tow, suckling on my bosom as she dozed asleep). I knew MomLife would show it’s tides and ripples. But I was totally unprepared for the gigantic mother of a wave it would be. It knocked me off my high heels and left me washed upon the shore- a changed, and stronger (and slightly disheveled) woman than before.
You see Life didn’t ask me for my birth plan or ask me gently which breastfeeding position I would prefer. Life watched me search the gram and compare which moms I would like to be like. “I wouldn’t loose my figure,” I said to myself as Life hid a giggle. “I would of course breastfeed my baby,” I arrogantly thought as I nodded in anti-natal group as they explained why breast was best. Life watched me compare myself to other types of moms as I quantified what would be a good or bad mom ignorantly in my head and Life just blushed as she knew better.
Life, you see, had far greater plans.
My daughter was born a week before her due date. I went for a routine check-up and as fate had it my placenta decided it was no longer going to do it’s role and would detach itself from me (like my womb has eaten something vile). There was no time to discuss why natural was best or whether I wanted to feed me then practice kangaroo care or if the other way round was better advised by medical practices. No this was all put aside, as I was rushed to the labour ward. I was given a spinal cord (to demystify any horror stories, it was totally fine, to be honest I actually enjoyed the wonderful rush of relief as your feed become numb), peeled for surgery and I took a deep breathe and prayed as I relaxed myself ready to welcome my baby girl. This one moment of breathe and mindfulness, was a whisper from my dear friend MomLife as she slowly reminded me what being a mom was about.
My daughter arrived within minutes, in an emergency c-section. I got to see her for a few minutes and she was whisked away to NICU. The first two days not being able to see or hold my baby was hard but it gave me time to process my new Motherhood journey. A few of the other moms I have met in NICU and since after chatted to, asked me did it run our bonding? Did it affect my child? I truly don’t think it did and looking 5 years back I have realized bonding is not a once off moment but a lifetime of memories. Those two days have me time to prepare myself as a mother and learn from the other moms in NICU, a stronger village and support then you’ll ever know.
I learnt through endless pumping - that being a mom sometimes has no return gesture (no suckling reflex) and that often your “motherhood” acts may go unnoticed. This is becomes credit and praise feed ego and your true self, doesn’t need others (not even your child’s) validation but rather your own.
I realized the importance of healing yourself first before you can care for others, and most important the question of unconditional love would be test my every fiber until I truly had to accept that I have no control over any of my Life, accept the way I choose to see it and respond. “Would I love her, if she didn’t learn to every sip or eat.” “Was I enough should she need more than I had envisioned being.” All these questions are asking you do you love your child without conditions? Do you love yourself enough to accept your faith.
Luckily, our team of doctors were fantastic and two weeks later, after multiple tests (both physical tests and emotional), our perfect miracle was brought home but our happy beginning started the day she was born not the day I brought her home. Our beginning started when I realized what kind of mom I want to be and that I would need to heal myself and constantly work on me to be her.
I had a birth plan, but life had a greater Life plan,
You see Life didn’t ask me my birth plan, because she wanted me to prepare for motherhood. She knew I wasn’t ready to be the mom my strong-willed daughter needed. Life rerouted my search results from “What baby cream is best,” and “Am I a bad mom if I don’t freeze her stem cells,” to show me what being a mom is about.
Being a mother is not searchable on Google or found by following mommy influencers on the gram. Being a mom is trusting yourself, your gut and your own opinions and showing up (even when it’s hard), it’s focusing on love (self-love included), and it’s about focusing on your own story as while it takes a village to raise your child, your MomLife is your own to experience, to enjoy and to navigate.
Bio:
I am a working mom to two beautiful children. I own a business called Immortal Jellyfish - a marketing consultancy and in my spare time I like to put my thoughts on paper.
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