Mum Stories - Michelle Mayefske from Fat and Pregnant
/As part of Isabella and Us. I will be bringing you a brand new blog series where each week a mum shares her story. I believe it is vitally important that we share our honest, vulnerable and incredible stories of our motherhood journey.
** Please be aware that you may find some of the stories potentially be upsetting or they may trigger something for you. If you do need further support please do seek advice from your GP or a mental health professional.
This week Michelle Mayefske from Fat and Pregnant shares her journey through motherhood and navigating whether she feels "done" having kids.
A little bit about Michelle:
“ Michelle is a mum of four living in Munster, Ireland. She's a birth and postpartum doula at Limerick Doula Services and a fat activist over at @fat.and.pregnant. She loves vegan chocolate and fleeing Ireland for some sunshine every once in awhile.”
Michelle’s Story:
"How Will I Know I'm DONE!?"
Four kids into parenting and the chaos feels immense sometimes. Life wasn't always this busy and I never saw myself being a mum to this many little people.
With my eldest I swore if I didn't get pregnant again by the time he turned 8, that was it, I was "done," and closing up the baby factory. No starting over with a new baby when I had a kid in upper primary school. I was so sure of myself then.
The years passed and just after my son's seventh birthday, I conceived his sister. Looks like I wasn't retiring from baby making after all. During my second pregnancy, I had severe sickness, bordering on hyperemesis. This does put many mums off getting pregnant again. Despite this, I still knew even during the pregnancy that I wasn't finished. I would be a mum of three.
Two years later, I conceived for the third time- another incredibly difficult pregnancy. I battled antenatal depression and autoimmune health issues so the thought of having more kids never crossed my mind. My main focus was surviving! My third baby was born safely at home during an hour long labour. My physical and mental health improved immensely postpartum and there I was again... contemplating my reproductive future.
I didn't feel "done." I felt so much love for each of my three kids, yet my family felt incomplete somehow. And there I was again two years later- up the duff for the fourth time, followed by a beautiful pregnancy and home birth.
I'm now 18 months postpartum and that damn question still lingers... "am I DONE!?" I have talked to family and friends (who are done procreating), asking them if they knew they were finished having kids or not. This was of absolutely no help. Some people say a resounding YES- they definitely knew their uteri needed to retire. Others didn't feel "done" and would have liked to have more kids, yet their partner didn't want to. And still others said they didn't feel done and didn't think they ever would. So much for a clear-cut answer that I desperately wanted!
I sit with this feedback while also trying to listen to myself. I enjoy being pregnant, anticipating a new baby and having a newborn in the house. Birth has also been the most empowering moments of my life, however… those babies grow up into bigger kids who are seriously hard work!
Ultimately, my husband and I are the only people who get to decide this, although our friends and family aren't afraid to share their opinions- "You MUST be done now!"
What we are at peace with now is that we have time to decide. Rather than try to force a feeling in either direction- I'm DONE or give me all the babies!, we are allowing ourselves to feel everything! We have laughed, we have cried and every month I think we are getting closer to knowing what feels best for us.
