A little self-compassion goes a LONG way - Tamsin Williamson, The Parenthood Coach
/A little self-compassion goes a LONG way
It is SO much easier to show compassion to other people than to ourselves, right?
When our friends miss out on a new job, we comfort them and boost their spirits.
When we spot a child having a meltdown in the park, we give their Mum a reassuring smile and tell them it happens to us all.
When our child argues with a friend, we shower them with love and tell them they’re enough just as they are.
But, when the tables are turned and WE go through our own challenges, our natural inclination can often be to blame and beat ourselves up, and to make our difficulties mean all sorts of unfair and untrue things about who we are and what we’re worth.
As humans we’re SO conditioned to be tough on ourselves over being kind and understanding.
But those irrational double standards are not only completely unfair and unjustified but can also have a profound effect on how we show up in the world, and how feel about ourselves and motherhood.
So, if we can learn how to be our own cheerleaders, to mother ourselves when we need it, and give ourselves the leeway to be imperfect - there is SO MUCH goodness available to us!
Not to mention the ripple effect this will have on how we show up for our kids, and how we teach them to be kind to THEMSELVES
Shaking off our inner critic and embracing self-compassion can feel hard and uncomfortable, and it definitely takes practice.
So, I hope the simple techniques and perspective shifts below will provide some thought provoking motivation to start your journey to being kinder and more compassionate to yourselves.
Because you are MORE than worthy and MORE than deserving of it.
1) Make time to acknowledge your feelings.
As Mums we feel time-starved at the best of times, and finding room in life to practice self-compassion when we feel despairing, anxious or self-pitying often feels unfathomable, or even indulgent
When big difficult feelings pop up, it can appear easier to bury our heads in the sand - entering into automatic pilot with a ‘survival mode’ attitude
BUT that seemingly ‘easy’ path will rarely pay off – because it’s just muting the problem rather than taking steps to rectify it.
Carving out time and space to calmly acknowledge your feelings and kindly honour your needs will help you COPE with the challenges and manage the knock-on emotions with so much more resilience and self-awareness.
Journaling is a great way to observe and process big thoughts and feelings – and as they flood out of our heads and onto the page we are more likely to intuitively recognise how we ARE deserving of some grace and self-kindness.
2) Check in on how you’re talking to yourself
We all have an inner narrative that serves us stories, opinions and beliefs. And when they relate to ourselves, our inner voice is often highly critical and unkind, full of feedback that we wouldn’t dream of directing at someone else
‘You’re so stupid for saying that’, ‘You’re not good enough’, ‘You always mess things up’ or ‘Who do you think you are to believe you could do that?’ (to give a few examples)
Keep an eye out for your sneering inner critic – and as you notice it pipe up with mean or unsupportive stories that make you feel small or worthless see if you can hit ‘mute’ and consider ‘What would I say to my best friend in this situation?’
Because if we start talking to ourselves with the kindness and compassion that we so easily offer to the people in our lives that we love and respect we’re likely to feel so much more supported, confident, respected and resilient in ourselves.
3) Remember you’re not alone
We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and have everything figured out, especially when it comes to Motherhood. And as we strive to get life ‘right’ we forget that that humans are NOT conducive to perfection.
Humans = are inherently messy and vulnerable and prone to imperfection and suffering. Nobody is exempt!
So we must learn to give ourselves the permission and freedom to stumble, or make mistakes or to find things hard without feeling shame or embarrassment.
And we NEED to remind ourselves that nobody has their lives fully ‘together’ and we aren’t alone in our struggles. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with us, and we are so very worthy of self-compassion just like everyone else.
Bio:
Tamsin is a Mum of 2 and an Accredited Life and Mindset Coach (aka The Parenthood Coach) empowering ambitious but unfulfilled Mums who feel their passion, purpose and potential have been stifled by the intensity of the Motherhood.
Through holistic coaching she helps Mums to untangle their busy minds, reignite their spark and unearth their buried ambitions so they can step out of the fog of parenthood and create a balanced, joyful life unapologetically on their terms that works in harmony with motherhood.
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